Getting injured is, universally, a crappy experience, however, it’s an unavoidable part of our lives as we all sometimes simply get into harm’s way. However, as most of the time we just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, there are also occassions when we ourselves put our health and wellbeing in danger by being… well, not the sharpest tools in the shed. And if you know that there’s something on the internet that you can always find, it’s people’s personal stories where there’s no filter for shame or shyness. Here are some of the funniest and silliest stories of how people injured themselves in ridiculous ways. Upside to all this? You might not feel so bad about making some stupid choices in life. So scroll down below, indulge and don’t forget to comment and vote on your favorites!
Attempting to adjust my bra, lost my grip, punched myself in the face.
I hit myself in the face with my glass Starbucks frapaccino bottle because I freaked out about a butterfly that flew near me. I know this entire sentence is dumb
Went to the gym with some friends on my lunch break – they challenged me to do a pushup with a clap behind my back before I landed. Challenge accepted and accomplished.
That day after work (while in a suit) I went to my girlfriend’s house and told her about my newfound pushup skills.
I tried to re-live the glory, couldn’t reach my hands behind my back to clap because the suit was restricting my motion, and landed chin-first on her hardwood floor.
I ended up in the E.R. to get 5 stitches under my chin and at the dentist the next day to fix a chipped molar.
Shouts to my E.R. doctor for not judging me too harshly.
I was trying to kill a cockroach by squishing it on my carpet with a paper towel but it would not die. So I picked it up with the paper towel but for some reason I didn’t crush it and it started to get on my hand, so I started sprinting to throw it in the toilet. I slipped and fell on one of those big candles with three wicks in a glass jar.
Lots of blood and 10 stitches later, there is now a 2.5-inch scar on my leg and I didn’t even kill the roach. I got my ass beat by a cockroach.
Age 6 or 7, the neighbor kid invited me to ride bikes or something. Don’t remember. Went inside my house to ask permission. Mom said yes, and I ran through the house and out the front door. And missed the storm door handle. My hand and arm went through the glass. And to the ER we went.
I’ve got scars from the stitches and the scars ache when the weather changes or when I’m exposed to any itch anywhere else. Literally every day, I’m reminded of that business with the storm door.
But I can top that!
I bought a mandolin food slicer. Yes. Yes it’s bad. And one evening I was using the brand new gadget to slice some Jalapenos. It was a very fast machine and sliced much faster than my ability to get my hand out of the way. So I sliced off the top of a finger between the nail and the knuckle.
Perfect slice of skin about the size of a nickel coin.
Not having any access to medical care at the time, I grabbed the first aid kit out of my truck and went to work with the other hand trying to stop the bleeding. Eventually got the idea of sticking the sliced finger part back where it came from. This worked. But there was no easy way to tell which way was what. And the finger slice went on backwards. Luckily it didn’t get infected thanks to that damn useful first aid kit bag of tricks. Healed up fine. Aside from being backwards.
I’ll never own another mandolin slicer.
I wanted to touch a bee. I was really young, don’t judge me.
I popped my kneecap 90 degree to the left by wearing socks on a slippery floor. I was just walking and somehow lost control and POP.
I tried squeezing out a fart and got a hernia
I was heating up a curry in the microwave, which was very safely placed on top of an extremely high fridge. Being very small and not being able to locate my special step, I try to reach up and remove the curry. Lo and behold, half of the curry spills down me, completely coating my arm.
It burnt me so severely that it damaged the nerves so I didn’t have anyyyyy idea how serious it was. I was so busy eating the rest of the curry and mourning the lost half, it wasn’t until I realised my whole arm was one big blister that I finally went to hospital. Took months to heal and the curry was only average
I was vacuuming, and thought the vacuum might not be working well. So I put my hand up to feel if the suction was weak. I forgot about the beater bar and it pulled my middle finger into the vacuum.
The beater bar was going fast enough that it took off all the skin on my finger down to the tendon. It actually bled very little, and hurt much less than what one would expect, because both the blood vessels and nerves were torn off.
I was also incredibly lucky because I should have needed a skin graft, but my finger managed to heal on its own. The scar tissue was painful to deal with and it took a long time to regain full flexibility and use of my finger.
Looked down at my phone for too long at 10:00 at night and walked face first into a goddamn telephone pole. This was 2 years ago.
I was out drinking and I tried to jump over a parking meter. Not realizing it was a single pole with two meter heads on it. I got hung up on the second head, fell and broke my elbow. Slept all night on my broken elbow and then walked to the hospital hungover and hurt the next morning by myself. Felt bad.
Broke my left ankle by tripping over my right foot while running in the house.
I also once got a black eye from throwing a snowball up in the air and catching it…and then missing it once
At age 9 I jumped down a full flight of stairs for the hell of it. Landed on my feet and broke both my growth plates in my heels. Insanely painful. Insanely stupid.
Picked up a water bottle off the floor and threw out my back. It wasn’t like a 5-gallon, it was a 16 oz water bottle.
I didn’t even know people could really throw out their back randomly and without reason like that. It was three days before I could even walk right.
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